Mama and I are waiting for Charlie while he has an MRI, this afternoon. Yesterday, Ben, Char, Mom and I were involved in a fatal car accident on Hwy. 52. A car came up behind us going about 80 - 90 miles an hour, clipped the back of our Suburban and went flying and spinning through the air into a nearby field. The front of our car was flung into the left lane from the impact but we were able to correct and safely pull to the side of the road with minimal damage to our vehicle. I am very sorry to say the man in the other car did not live. Ben and Char ran to see if they could help but there was nothing they could do. Ben said that was the most he had ever prayed for someone at one time. We are praying for this man’s family and wisdom in knowing how to minister to his mother who we have heard was distraught. We are relatively uninjured except for varying degrees of whiplash and Charlie’s wrist which he used to brace himself since he was sitting in the middle of the backseat. A million “what if’s” cross our minds: what if the man who died had been seat-belted, (the police say he would likely have lived) what if the car had rolled one less time, what if the medic’s had arrived sooner... what if we had been driving our little car instead of the Suburban and rolled like him... And yet we know God does not focus on the “what would have happened”s. He divinely orchestrates every instance for His glory and the good of those who love Him. Job 14:5 says, “Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee, thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass;” He sees what we cannot see and there are no “what ifs” in his economy but only “I AM”. 

He has dealt gently with us and allowed us to only realize bits at a time. Still we pray recollections are purposeful and wrapped in the firm knowledge of His sovereignty and omnipotence. Still these thoughts can be consuming and we pray especially for Ben and Charlie. A wise man yesterday reminded us Ben and Char were there for a reason that only God knows. So we rest again in the goodness of God and our hearts are filled with compassion for this man’s family.

It’s today!!! Mama’s last day of radiation treatment! She’ll ring the bell (you ring the bell in the lobby when you’ve finished all your radiation treatments) and then we’ll celebrate, rejoicing in another small step towards the finish! :o)  We are coming through a long valley and glance over our shoulder to see what is lost and wounded and to glorify God in victories.  As we look forward to see where God is leading, we know there will be still more trials and victories as we are continually shaped more into the likeness Christ desires for us.  I speak of our family together and wonder what is next? We are only just beginning to understand the ways we have been refashioned, ways we have been made stronger or less so.  One thing is certain, we know we are His.  We covet your prayers for patience and faithfulness in following God. Also would you pray for wisdom for the doctors and Mama in knowing how to deal with pain... cumulative pain from radiation wounds, cording and Taxol. We understand from our doctor that the radiation burns will continue to grow worse for up to two weeks after treatment and then start to heal. 

Thank you for being our faithful supporters through this. We love reading and treasure your notes on Caring Bridge, on the blog, notes, emails and calls. It is so heartening when we know you’re there and God strengthens us through your encouragement.  

With Much Love,

The Lenz’s

Yesterday, Em and I were invited to follow Mom back in the radiation area to see the machines and technology and most of all to meet the people she talks to every day. Mama has always as long as I can remember been able to draw people out and take interest in their lives even in the strangest of circumstances. She knows all about Lindsay’s little girl, Sadie and her new purple dress and Dave’s oldest daughter is graduating and wants to be a dentist and Sheri has two sets of twins who all have beautiful names. Mama makes it sound so happy back there and yet I confess to being a little surprised and shocked by the complexity and magnitude of the technology. When you nurse a burn and then see its source there is a feeling I can’t quite accurately put into words. It is neither antipathy nor awe but perhaps a sense of utter helplessness. It is at such times as these we need a proper perspective of the sovereignty of God and His incredible “bigness” so we realize our own smallness and the transience of everything else in this world compared to Him and eternity.

Now I understand Mama’s face more, how eagerly and successfully she tried to protect all of us from bearing her burden. She hesitated just the tiniest bit telling us we were invited to come back with her. I’m glad we did and now more excited than ever there are only three more treatments left. During treatment Mom has been trying to memorize the first part of Romans 8 out loud, “There is therefore now no condemnation…” She says she always gets mixed up in verse 2 and starts over and over again because every 30 seconds or so they come in to switch fields. She just realized during the last “pep talk” they give right before they leave the room that they mentioned an intercom so if she has any questions or needs they can hear her at all times. We enjoyed a hearty laugh imagining their faces as they listen to her frustrated attempts to memorize. :o)
While we were waiting for Mama, Em walked over to the piano without any music and played like I believe only Emily can play, conversationally… For the sake of not expanding an already lengthy post I’ll leave it at that one word description. :o) I brought a book to read but all the while words from her music ran through my mind. He who alone can read thoughts of the heart has pity and tenderly ministers through the truth of precious words.
"There is a Redeemer, Jesus, God's own Son,... Thank you oh my Father, For giving us Your Son,…"

"Oh, ’tis not in grief to harm me While Thy love is left to me; Oh, ’twere not in joy to charm me, Were that joy unmixed with Thee…."

"Perish every fond ambition, All I’ve sought or hoped or known. Yet how rich is my condition! God and heaven are still my own."

"Soul, then know thy full salvation Rise o’er sin and fear and care; Joy to find in every station, Something still to do or bear. Think what Spirit dwells within thee, Think what Father’s smiles are thine, Think that Jesus died to win thee, Child of heaven, canst thou repine…"

"For Thyself, best Gift Divine. To our race so freely given, For that great, great love of Thine, Peace on earth and joy in Heaven…"

I wish I could “write out” the audible music that brings life and passion and soul to these familiar words; music that brought tears to the eyes of a refreshed soul and a reverie of quiet thought to the restless mind who in distant past remembers an association of poignant words to the music he hears. What a glorious vehicle for singing the praises of our Savior! Speaking of which, I am very excited for tomorrow! All my brothers and Daddy are singing in a men’s chorus for Church! Praying you all have a blessed Lord’s Day filled with the glory of our God!

Hello Everyone, 

Wasn’t yesterday perfectly glorious? We heard another “Spring” bird. And the flowers have germinated; the tiny petunias are even gently leaning to the side as if promising to stretch their forthcoming profuse vines from plant “infancy”. Cheery welcomes of the Spring!

Mama has a count down on the ‘fridge’ (little pieces of paper each labeled with a number; 8, 7, 6, 5 etc.). She has only 7 treatments left! At first we were going to throw each number away with satisfaction and a flair… but they have Bible verses on them … and perhaps we don’t want to forget cumulative completion just yet, so Mama just flips the top number to the back. I wonder what we’ll think a year from now; will we wince or smile? Maybe both, remembering how God will faithfully test us; refine us as silver is refined… through fire and through water; brought out to rich fulfillment. (Psalm 66:8-12) “From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; Lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.”  Psalm 61:2-4

I forgot to credit the hymn I posted last week; it was written by Gloria Roe in 1960, “Be Calm My Soul”. Em plays this on the piano all the time so I hear it running through my mind constantly. The harmony is simply and purely beautiful.

Love to you all and have a wonderful week!

Hello Dear Friends,

Mama is still holding up through radiation; thank you all so much for praying and your continued support through this wearying aspect of treatment. Mama is beginning to be more and more tired; she sleeps fairly well at night which is an immense blessing and then naps are a necessary help throughout the day. She is also in quite a bit of pain from the cording which is growing tighter with more radiation. Her skin is being specifically radiated and though it has not blistered yet the doctor intimated it is beginning to show signs of considerable compromise and we earnestly pray for it to remain strong. Also her throat is sore and her voice a bit raspy since they are radiating the lymph nodes in that area. Through this Mama has, by the grace of God a cheerful spirit and is full of joy and peace. She was nominated to read aloud for our evening family reading time in the hope that this would prevent her from falling asleep. Mama, however, has a remarkable ability to fall asleep while she is reading aloud; her voice maintains the same volume and inflection but the words gradually represent a mixture of what is written on the line she is reading and the one directly below it. Really a fascinating effect. :o) We are thankful for the time to be together as a family. It can be exhausting and discouraging to face continual brand new challenges and we had to reset again yesterday. I think some of us (myself included) unconsciously tried flowing back into our regular Spring schedule without taking obvious setbacks into consideration and it became quite clear our pace was not sustainable. I’m glad we are able to recognize it now and work toward prayerfully making adjustments. You are all so often in our thoughts and we are filled with awe-full gratitude for your kindness to us in this time.The meals have been so cheerful, the notes so full of love, the cleaning so uplifting. Daddy’s sister, Aunt Beth came from Omaha this week and together with Aunt Susan have made themselves a wonderful blessing. Thank you all for reading, encouraging and praying. 

With Much Love,

Aubrey for the Lenz’s

We wholeheartedly echo the words of this hymn:

“Be calm my soul, faint not with care

Though burdens deep our hearts would tear;

He is the Lord, all He commands,

He holdeth me safe in His hands.

Be calm my soul, melt not in fear,

Though shadows dark press in so near,

Yet in despair I see His light;

Lead me, O Lord, with wond’rous sight.

Be calm my soul, rest in Him sure. 

No wave of doubt His words endure; 

My longing soul is satisfied,

He now leads forth, my Strength and Guide.”

Hopefully this finds you enjoying the ever multiplying signs of Spring. Ever since we came back from Tennessee we have been especially yearning for it and we aren’t acknowledging any weather reports to the contrary! :o) Emily heard a bird chirp this morning and she exclaimed, “That is a Spring bird!” There is no mistaking a Spring bird from the steady winter birds. There is a certain defiant vibrancy to their music! Then Em and I get out our Vivaldi and Dvorak and find the exact pattern, I call it a trill or grupetto, Em just plays it by ear on her violin. Mama and I picked out flower seeds and planted them and now we stare at the blank, steamy flats and literally will them to germinate. :o) 

Mama’s treatments have gone well this week. Her radiation oncologist is pleased with how she is caring for her burns which continue to be manageable. Mama also says she is not too unusually tired yet, which we are all thankful for. We met with the physical therapist again and she remarked again on Mama’s cording which is quite painfully visible all the way through her arm and wrist whenever she extends it. The therapist observed it is a pretty “hardy” case but assured us she always sees it go away within a year. The radiation oncologist thinks differently; she sees it stay permanently sometimes, so we’re praying for quick and effective healing. Thankfully, Mama’s arm is not so painful as it was two weeks ago so she doesn’t have to take pain medication to make it through radiation treatments any more. We saw a little boy named Roger going through radiation today, he had the most cheerful good-natured smile and was a joy to everyone around him. I saw what a treasure a genuine smile is and what a gift it is to those who receive it. 

Last night, Daddy was talking about trust and he described a familiar scenario for an illustration; a toddler is shopping with his daddy and as they walk through the store he has a tight hold of his parent’s hand. At some point he loses hold of that hand and you can tell everything is a bit tenuous but as long as he is near his daddy’s side he still feels pretty sure of himself. If that same child suddenly realizes he has lost sight of  Daddy in the middle of the crowd, he is horrified and... well, I’m sure we can all sympathize with his reaction! :o) Daddy explained this is like our closeness to Jesus, the farther we stray from Him the more confused and fearful we become. The inverse is likewise true; the nearer we are to Him the more we draw from His sustaining love and rest in His goodness. We are confidant He knows the number of our days to which we cannot add or subtract an hour by human effort. How wonderful it is God gave us fathers who represent a part of Him so we can understand better who He is!